Revised First person Sample.

Original Sample:

{Peter’s face cannot actually be seen around the mound of food in his arms. It’s questionable if he really meant to start the video yet, as he hasn’t said a word. Everything looks precarious, in particular the large gallon of milk balanced on top of the block of cheddar cheese, but miraculously, everything gets put gently on the counter with no spillage. Then there’s Peter’s thick rimmed black glasses and big brown eyes filling up the screen.}

Making some good ol’ greasy New York breakfast for dinner. Bacon, eggs, maybe some cheesy potatoes of some sort if I can remember how my Aunt does it...Seems like there’s plenty food if anyone wants to join me. Just let me know so I can cook more.

{Because, yes, that enormous pile he has next to him already is all his.}

Revised Sample:

{The camera clicks on to a young man with messy brown hair and doe-like eyes that go wide when he realizes it's started taping. He fumbles the device and the angle changes bouncing against an arm of a chandelier and plummeting towards the floor. The young man's horrified face can be seen in a glimpse as it falls.

Suddenly with a small thwip sound a thin white cabling is obstructing most of the camera's perspective. Only the light changing and the passing of the wall can be seen as the camera continues to move. Then there are thin fingers tugging and pulling at the white cables, attempting to remove them from the lens. The hole gets slightly bigger, but not much progress is made.

One brown eye returns, crinkling slightly at the edges.}

So, I'm Peter Parker, and I hope you enjoyed that thrilling show of what not to do with handheld technology. For more fantastic public service announcements I'm betting you know how to reach me better than I know how to reach you.

{The angle changes one last time hitting on an awkward grin before it finally goes dark.}